In Sickness Or In Health? My Exhausting Life As A Hypochondriac

For the entire time that I was in the Caribbean on vacation, I was convinced I had lymphoma.

Not quite normal
Not quite normal
Nicola Erdmann


BERLIN — On my Disney Cruise, my eternal bathroom door problem was finally solved. You see, it has always been difficult to figure out how to get out of the bathroom without touching the handle, which other people might have touched without washing their hands? I always take a piece of toilet paper or paper towel. Often, though, neither is near the door. So I have to go get it from inside a stall or from near the sinks, opening the door with the contaminated piece in my hand and with no place to then discard it.

And on the Disney ship? A sign on the door says everyone should leave the bathroom without touching the handle. There is a paper towel dispenser next to the door and a trashcan directly in front. Perfect — a paranoiac's paradise!

I'm scared of germs, of getting sick, becoming infected, even of catching diseases that aren't transmitted by contagion: brain tumors, lymphoma, esophageal carcinoma, hearing loss, pharyngitis. I've spent hours researching these diseases online and, sadly, in waiting rooms for check-ups. I'm well-acquainted with pleural effusion, all complications of pneumonia and Epstein-Barr virus, the symptoms of rheumatism and various theories for measuring the pH of air.

I always travel with antibiotics, many varieties for different applications.

Hypochondria is defined as a mental disorder that can occur both alone and with other disorders. Those affected are especially preoccupied by their bodies and increasingly afraid of disease. Time and again, they are earnestly convinced that they are sick, and the conviction is so great that it impairs their lives. One in 15 Germans suffer from a fear of disease. Half of them are considered hypochondriacs. I'm somewhere in the middle.

For the entire time that I was in the Caribbean on vacation, I was convinced I had lymphoma. I lay in bed all night long, awake, feeling my lymph nodes. I've been in a hospital in Mallorca, and at an infirmary at Disneyland with a sore throat, demanding antibacterial lozenges to prevent tonsillitis. In any case, I always travel with antibiotics, many varieties for different applications, and with remedies for tension headaches and migraines as well as Vomex, Iberogast, Paspertin, Perenterol and other meds. When I go to the United States, I always make a pit-stop at the large drugstores there for over-the-counter medicine, vitamins and nutritional supplements.

Something else, of course, lies behind my condition. It is said that hypochondria arises from negative experiences with sickness or death and that the disorder is related to how a person's family deals with these issues. It has something to do with fears and can be partly conditioned by genetics. Hypochondria is especially common in people in creative professions: Charlie Chaplin was a famous victim of the disorder. I can usually trace my recurring, spiraling thoughts back to their source, but that does not mean I can often get them under control. Other times, I can objectively tell whether my concerns are real or not, but then I think to myself, "sometimes, it is cancer after all. What if that's the case now?"

My everyday life, mostly in winter, is exhausting. Door handles are a horror. Metal is a bit better than plastic because I am convinced that germs don't live as long on metal. I read that once. I read a lot about these topics, always on WebMD. I'd rather let a subway leave without me so I can sit in the next empty one, without having to hold on to the plastic handrails. I also wait for someone else to open the door.

Under care of a German pharmacy — Photo: Casey Hugelfink

Airplanes are also terrible. I learned this from articles with titles like, "You don't know where most bacteria lurk." Worst are the seat pockets because people stick their used tissues there. The folding tray tables are bad, too, because some parents change their babies' diapers on them. When possible, I don't use either.

Despite all this, I'm not sick less often than anyone else.

Aisle seats are the most hazardous, because everybody walking by touches the armrest, leaving their germs. On longer flights, I take an aspirin to thin the blood against thrombosis. I once even gave myself an anti-thrombosis injection, but it was so terrible I stopped.

I read articles that say antibacterial gel is ineffective. Nevertheless, I can't eat out without using it first. When I buy something at a bakery, I watch the sales clerks closely to make sure they don't touch the money or my bread with their bare hands. If my coworker has an eye infection, I know what to do, I've Googled it. My disinfectant spray empties quickly. When I go to the bathroom, I use the stall closest to the entrance — statistically, it is the one most seldom used. Of course, I regularly disinfect my phone, avoid shaking hands and know the effects of various dietary supplements.

Despite all this, I'm not sick less often than anyone else. I ultimately just make it harder for myself in sickness — and in health. Sure, I have learned a lot. Recently, I learned that there is a tapeworm found in dogs that can also attack the human brain, causing headaches, confusion, dizziness. And much worse.

Yes, I do have a dog anyway. But come to think of it, I'm starting to feel some pressure behind my eyes.

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7 Ways The Pandemic May Change The Airline Industry For Good

Will flying be greener? More comfortable? Less frequent? As the world eyes a post-COVID reality, we look at ways the airline industry has been changing through a pandemic that has devastated air travel.

Ready for (a different kind of) takeoff?

Carl-Johan Karlsson

It's hard to overstate the damage the pandemic has had on the airline industry, with global revenues dropping by 40% in 2020 and dozens of airlines around the world filing for bankruptcy. One moment last year when the gravity became particularly apparent was when Asian carriers (in countries with low COVID-19 rates) began offering "flights to nowhere" — starting and ending at the same airport as a way to earn some cash from would-be travelers who missed the in-flight experience.

More than a year later today, experts believe that air traffic won't return to normal levels until 2024.

But beyond the financial woes, the unprecedented slowdown in air travel may bring some silver linings as key aspects of the industry are bound to change once back in full spin, with some longer-term effects on aviation already emerging. Here are some major transformations to expect in the coming years:

Cleaner aviation fuel

The U.S. administration of President Joe Biden and the airline industry recently agreed to the ambitious goal of replacing all jet fuel with sustainable alternatives by 2050. Already in a decade, the U.S. aims to produce three billion gallons of sustainable fuel — about one-tenth of current total use — from waste, plants and other organic matter.

While greening the world's road transport has long been at the top of the climate agenda, aviation is not even included under the Paris Agreement. But with air travel responsible for roughly 12% of all CO2 emissions from transport, and stricter international regulation on the horizon, the industry is increasingly seeking sustainable alternatives to petroleum-based fuel.

Fees imposed on the airline industry should be funneled into a climate fund.

In Germany, state broadcaster Deutsche Welle reports that the world's first factory producing CO2-neutral kerosene recently started operations in the town of Wertle, in Lower Saxony. The plant, for which Lufthansa is set to become the pilot customer, will produce CO2-neutral kerosene through a circular production cycle incorporating sustainable and green energy sources and raw materials. Energy is supplied through wind turbines from the surrounding area, while the fuel's main ingredients are water and waste-generated CO2 coming from a nearby biogas plant.

Farther north, Norwegian Air Shuttle has recently submitted a recommendation to the government that fees imposed on the airline industry should be funneled into a climate fund aimed at developing cleaner aviation fuel, according to Norwegian news site E24. The airline also suggested that the government significantly reduce the tax burden on the industry over a longer period to allow airlines to recover from the pandemic.

Black-and-white photo of an ariplane shot from below flying across the sky and leaving condensation trails

High-flying ambitions for the sector

Joel & Jasmin Førestbird

Hydrogen and electrification

Some airline manufacturers are betting on hydrogen, with research suggesting that the abundant resource has the potential to match the flight distances and payload of a current fossil-fuel aircraft. If derived from renewable resources like sun and wind power, hydrogen — with an energy-density almost three times that of gasoline or diesel — could work as a fully sustainable aviation fuel that emits only water.

One example comes out of California, where fuel-cell specialist HyPoint has entered a partnership with Pennsylvania-based Piasecki Aircraft Corporation to manufacture 650-kilowatt hydrogen fuel cell systems for aircrafts. According to HyPoint, the system — scheduled for commercial availability product by 2025 — will have four times the energy density of existing lithium-ion batteries and double the specific power of existing hydrogen fuel-cell systems.

Meanwhile, Rolls-Royce is looking to smash the speed record of electrical flights with a newly designed 23-foot-long model. Christened the Spirit of Innovation, the small plane took off for the first time earlier this month and successfully managed a 15-minute long test flight. However, the company has announced plans to fly the machine faster than 300 mph (480 km/h) before the year is out, and also to sell similar propulsion systems to companies developing electrical air taxis or small commuter planes.

New aircraft designs

Airlines are also upgrading aircraft design to become more eco-friendly. Air France just received its first upgrade of a single-aisle, medium-haul aircraft in 33 years. Fleet director Nicolas Bertrand told French daily Les Echos that the new A220 — that will replace the old A320 model — will reduce operating costs by 10%, fuel consumption and CO2 emissions by 20% and noise footprint by 34%.

International first class will be very nearly a thing of the past.

The pandemic has also ushered in a new era of consumer demand where privacy and personal space is put above luxury. The retirement of older aircraft caused by COVID-19 means that international first class — already in steady decline over the last decades — will be very nearly a thing of the past. Instead, airplane manufacturers around the world (including Delta, China Eastern, JetBlue, British Airways and Shanghai Airlines) are betting on a new generation of super-business minisuites where passengers have a privacy door. The idea, which was introduced by Qatar Airways in 2017, is to offer more personal space than in regular business class but without the lavishness of first class.

Aerial view of Rome's Fiumicino airport

Aerial view of Rome's Fiumicino airport

Hygiene rankings  

Rome's Fiumicino Airport has become the first in the world to earn "the COVID-19 5-Star Airport Rating" from Skytrax, an international airline and airport review and ranking site, Italian daily La Repubblica reports. Skytrax, which publishes a yearly annual ranking of the world's best airports and issues the World Airport Awards, this year created a second list to specifically call out airports with the best health and hygiene standards.

Smoother check-in

​The pandemic has also accelerated the shift towards contactless traveling, with more airports harnessing the power of biometrics — such as facial recognition or fever screening — to reduce touchpoints and human contact. Similar technology can also be used to more efficiently scan physical objects, such as explosive detection. Ultimately, passengers will be able to "check-in" and go through a security screening anywhere at the airports, removing queues and bottlenecks.

Data privacy issues

​However, as pointed out in Canadian publication The Lawyer's Daily, increased use of AI and biometrics also means increased privacy concerns. For example, health and hygiene measures like digital vaccine passports also mean that airports can collect data on who has been vaccinated and the type of vaccine used.

Photo of planes at Auckland airport, New Zealand

Auckland Airport, New Zealand

Douglas Bagg

The billion-dollar question: Will we fly less?

At the end of the day, even with all these (mostly positive) changes that we've seen take shape over the past 18 months, the industry faces major uncertainty about whether air travel will ever return to the pre-COVID levels. Not only are people wary about being in crowded and closed airplanes, but the worth of long-distance business travel in particular is being questioned as many have seen that meetings can function remotely, via Zoom and other online apps.

Trying to forecast the future, experts point to the years following the 9/11 terrorist attacks as at least a partial blueprint for what a recovery might look like in the years ahead. Twenty years ago, as passenger enthusiasm for flying waned amid security fears following the attacks, airlines were forced to cancel flights and put planes into storage.

40% of Swedes intend to travel less

According to McKinsey, leisure trips and visits to family and friends rebounded faster than business flights, which took four years to return to pre-crisis levels in the UK. This time too, business travel is expected to lag, with the consulting firm estimating only 80% recovery of pre-pandemic levels by 2024.

But the COVID-19 crisis also came at a time when passengers were already rethinking their travel habits due to climate concerns, while worldwide lockdowns have ushered in a new era of remote working. In Sweden, a survey by the country's largest research company shows that 40% of the population intend to travel less even after the pandemic ends. Similarly in the UK, nearly 60% of adults said during the spring they intended to fly less after being vaccinated against COVID-19 — with climate change cited as a top reason for people wanting to reduce their number of flights, according to research by the University of Bristol.

At the same time, major companies are increasingly forced to face the music of the environmental movement, with several corporations rolling out climate targets over the last few years. Today, five of the 10 biggest buyers of corporate air travel in the US are technology companies: Amazon, IBM, Google, Apple and Microsoft, according to Taipei Times, all of which have set individual targets for environmental stewardship. As such, the era of flying across the Atlantic for a two-hour executive meeting is likely in its dying days.

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