GAZA — Nada, 33, viewed her marriage and home as her main achievements in life. But eight months into the war, she and her husband decided to divorce. “The miserable life in the tent led us to a dead end, with endless arguments and accumulations we never anticipated,” she said.
“In the early months of the war, I convinced myself that I was more capable of enduring and that the disagreements were a result of the pressure we were under. But the incidents kept piling up until the space in the tent could no longer contain us,” she said.
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Nada’s marriage is not the only one to have suffered. “Every day, I meet families that have collapsed under the harsh conditions we are living in. Some complete the divorce procedures, while others announce their separation without legal steps. Many seek religious rulings for divorce due to the extreme circumstances,” said Sheikh Ahmed Al-Bahaissi, who was appointed by the Palestinian Authority during the war to handle personal status procedures, said he sees cases of separation every day.
Ra’ida Abu Obeid, a specialist in educational psychology, said that “disagreements between couples exist under normal conditions; people call them the ‘spice of life.’ But facing genocide, that spice turns into a burning fire, consuming hearts and minds.”
She said that the situation in Gaza falls under extreme crisis conditions, with accompanying psychological stress, anxiety, and fear. The accumulation of emotional, psychological, and even physical stress can push people to the brink of explosion: “The lack of privacy and the life in the tents have driven most relationships to the edge, forcing them to a dead end.”
Ra’ida observed widespread marital disputes in most displacement camps in Khan Younis and Rafah. “The stories of divorce and marital conflicts never end. There are two ways to deal with them: either a form of unconditional marital silence, based on endurance for the sake of the family, or reaching the end through divorce or separation, which we witness daily.”
Married yet broken
Sabihah also blames the war for the collapse of her marriage. “My life was calm and balanced, then the war came and turned everything upside down. I discovered I was living with a person on the verge of exploding,” she said.
“The events were far too overwhelming for his calm mind to handle,” she said, citing the daily violations, killings, terror, destruction and starvation that she and her husband experienced as possible reasons for changes in his personality.
I had hope that, in time, he would adjust.
This tension affected their life together. “He would take out his anger, stress, and fear on us, me and the kids. I had hope that, in time, he would adjust.”
But that didn’t happen. Instead, the verbal and physical violence escalated: There were expulsions, insults and even accusations of infidelity. “One night, he accused me of leaving the tent to watch another man in the neighboring tent, even though he knew I had been standing in line for the bathroom for half an hour,” she said.
Sabihah couldn’t bear the accusation and left the tent to stay with her brothers. “We are still married legally because the war conditions don’t allow us to complete the divorce procedures. But in reality, we are divorced. My family won’t accept a man who humiliated them in front of everyone.”
New sociology
Sociologist Mahmoud Abdel Aziz Mansour said he doubts that science can assess what is happening on the ground in terms of divorce and separation: “The genocide that the people of Gaza are experiencing has exceeded all boundaries, standards, and known experiences worldwide.”
He expects that we may be witnessing the emergence of a new sociology, with people who have moved from the heights of social civilization to its lowest depths. As a result, their social behaviors are often reactions to the harsh conditions they can no longer endure.
Most of the couples who have divorced had model relationships before the war.
“Most of the couples who have divorced had model relationships before the war. They had successful love stories or represented ideal, small families before the war,” he said.
“These successful families couldn’t cope with the decline in life, relationships, and dialogue. They lacked the energy to handle daily crises and demands. Thus, marriage transitioned from a model school to a daily struggle, escalating with every night of disappointments and psychological setbacks, until they reached divorce or separation,” Mansour explains.
Ra’ida, the specialist in educational psychology, said that “The genocide that the residents are experiencing is reshaping the structure of Palestinian society and this will continue for many years.”
Sad nights in the tents
Alaa, 42, cited the war and its repercussions as the sole reason for the divorce: “In the nights of war, arguments erupted without warning between me and my wife in a way that could not be contained,” he said.
Alaa recalled the beginning of the war: “My brothers and neighbors in the tent tried their best to reconcile between us, but over time, our fights and shouting became the camp’s nightly affair, and no one could intervene anymore. My ex-wife was exhausted from living under the shelling — lighting fires, baking bread, washing clothes, and even walking long distances just to fetch water.”
If we survive after the war, we’ll talk.
For his part, Alaa said “I was also worn out by the expenses. There was no income, and the obligations kept piling up, along with accusations of negligence.”
He recalled their decision to divorce with sorrow: “One night, we fought, exchanged accusations, and insults. Unfortunately, I lost control and hit her and the uttered the word ‘divorce’. The next day, she told me she would take two of the children to her family’s camp, leaving me with the other two.”
Alaa hoped the matter would resolve itself over time and was shocked when she followed through with her plan. “I called her family a million times, but her father would always say, ‘If we survive after the war, we’ll talk.’”
