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Dottoré! is a weekly column by Mariateresa Fichele, a psychiatrist and writer based in Naples, Italy. Fichele works in a public health facility in the bustling southern city of three million famously teeming with humor and heartache — not to mention unspeakably delicious food. Indeed, Naples has long been the setting for art, cinema and literature, including the celebrated series of novels by the pseudonymous author Elena Ferrante.

Fichele’s work, which she initially shared on Facebook in a mix of Italian and Neapolitan dialect, has the urgency of a professional notebook and the timelessness of city folk tales. Whether listening to patients or talking with neighbors, soaking up her crazy city or aching for her troubled country, hers is a certain truth in a particular place of the world we all now share.

A note on the name of the series

Dottoré! [doh-toh-RAY] comes from the shortened Neapolitan form of the Italian word dottoressa, or female doctor, with both patients and acquaintances often addressing Fichele as dottoré.

Worldcrunch publishes her writings each week in English (with an occasional sprinkling of napulitano), with the help of our own trusted Neapolitan-born translator and journalist Irene Caselli. Illustrations by another talented napulitana, Giulia d’Anna Lupo.

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

Of Earthquakes And Men

"Oh, to sleep as soundly as a man," marvels our Naples-based psychiatrist.

I can feel the earthquake. Or at least, I think I can, because the ceiling lamp isn’t moving. I run upstairs in a frenzy to check on my son. He is sound asleep.

My husband is asleep, too. He hasn’t felt the earthquake, but he has heard me move about. Of course he has.

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

No Smoking When The Dottoré Is In

Our Naples-based Dottoré puts out an argument with patients during a night shift at a psychiatric ward.

There is a seemingly obvious and trivial rule that patients in a psychiatric ward have to enforce, for everyone's safety: no smoking at night.

But making sure that people understand and accept it is perhaps one of the most difficult things in our job, especially if the night is busy.

Imagine, then, an agitated patient being admitted at 2 a.m.: ambulances, hubbub, voices of people chasing each other — eventually everybody is awake, and after a while, despite things having quieted down around 3 a.m., no one can fall back to sleep. And that's when the procession starts: patient after patient knocking on my door asking for a cigarette, and a lighter.

And the night goes on, with "no" after "no" seemingly falling on deaf ears.

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

Beautiful Game, Sweet Dreams

Sometimes, a soccer win is all that a troubled mind needs.

I celebrated S.S.C. Napoli’s Serie A title win – the first in 33 years – in the psychiatric ward, in the unreality of hearing the city go crazy "outside" while we — i.e. the crazy and their de facto guardians — were locked "inside."

The next morning, upon waking up:

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

Take It As A Neapolitan Compliment

One woman’s Neapolitan insult is another woman’s compliment.

Neapolitan is a complex language — not so much for lexical reasons as for the intonation, facial expressions and gestures that necessarily accompany the words and make their real meaning clear.

For example, the other day I witnessed an argument between two people, in which, at one point, he turns to her and says: "Shut up! You’re like a Neapolitanbucchina*."

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

They Grow Up So Fast

Our Neapolitan psychiatrist on Italy’s eternal “mammoni” ...

One day, Marco walked up to his parents with a serious look on his face, looked them in the eye and said: “Dear Mamma and Papà, it’s been years now that every day, you drop me off and come pick me up. That’s enough now. I’ve grown up!”

The parents were very proud, but at the same time, also a little worried. Holding back a tear, they replied that yes, it was okay, and that from the next day, Marco could go on his own.

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

All Insurance Scam Roads Lead To Turin

Of financial hardship, staged accidents — and calcio rivalry.

“Dottoré, I’m having a horrible time. As soon as I get enough money for a ticket, I’m going to Turin to throw myself under a car.”

“Can you explain this to me? You’re telling me that not only you want to kill yourself, but that to do so, you have to go all the way to Turin?”

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

The Problem With Easter

Not all holidays are celebrated equal. Why’s that? wonders our Neapolitan psychiatrist.

This morning I was thinking about holidays and wondering why Easter isn’t celebrated as much as Christmas. Because this is the holiday that marks something truly extraordinary: Jesus dies and three days later, he is resurrected, fresh as a rose. He says goodbye to his friends, takes his leave and goes. But not to an ordinary destination. He goes up to heaven and sits to the right of the Father.

Christmas, on the other hand, celebrates a birth. Although it is true that it is the birth of Jesus, at the end of the day, the event itself is not extraordinary.

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

The Sea Beyond, The Sea Within

"Everything has a cost, and even rights have to be paid for — and I'm tired of that."

Dottoré, do you watch The Sea Beyond on Netflix?”

“No Antonio, sorry.”

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

Don't Look Back In Depression

"I did it all because basically, I’m an idiot."

Dottoré, when I look back at my life, I see only mistakes.

My job, my marriage, the children — even getting a dog ... I did it all because basically, I’m an idiot.

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

A Woman’s Work Is Never Done

... unless she's a famous influencer?

“In the morning I get up at 5:30 a.m. I clean the house, then I wake up the children at 7. I get them ready, make them breakfast, then at 7:30, we leave for school. At 8:30, I start work. I clean two offices, then at 11, I go to a lady's house to clean until 3.30 p.m.

At 4 p.m. I pick up the children. I take them home and help them with their homework. Three days a week, I take my youngest to a physiotherapist at 5.30 p.m. The other days, there’s my daughter's catechism classes and my other daughter’s gym lessons. By 7:30 p.m. it's dinner time, because at 8 p.m. I have to go clean offices when they close. Then by 10 p.m. I come back and put them to bed.

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

The Geopolitical Relevance Of Misheard Sting Lyrics

"There is no Napoli on common sense?”

As a child, I learned English by listening to Sting’s songs and translating them. I remember being mesmerized by his voice and I also loved how clearly he would pronounce the words, which made it easy for me to understand.

That’s why I was amazed, to say the least, when Stefano told me:

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Dottoré!
Mariateresa Fichele

The Way To A Doctor’s Heart

Our Neapolitan psychiatrist ponders the meaning of professional recognition, and lasagna.

Money, awards, recognition, promotions — those don’t mean a thing to me.

The real reward for me comes when patients cook.

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