Masterchef Delusions Of Christmas Dinner Grandeur
Spaghetti alle vongole, a traditional Napoli dish. Carmen Laezza/Unsplash

At this time of year, I have the habit of asking patients which traditional Neapolitan dish they’re going to have for Christmas. Most tell me that spaghetti alle vongole [spaghetti with clams], fried cod and insalata di rinforzo [cauliflower and pickle salad] are on the menu — but the other day Francesco surprised me.

“I had planned to eat pigeon on the 25th!”

“Francé, pigeon?! But what are you thinking? “

“Dottoré, have you ever watched Masterchef? Pigeon is a delicacy! Besides, it doesn’t cost anything! I have so many pigeons on my balcony that I could feed a regiment!”

“So, let me get this straight. You want to eat a pigeon from the street for Christmas?”

“Exactly. This year I wanted to save money and prepare something — as they say — gourmet!”

“Let me ask you one more thing. Have you told your wife that instead of clams, you’re going to bring back some ‘wild game’ on the 24th?”

“Yes, I did.”

“And what did she say?”

“She said, ‘You’re right! Actually, you know what, to save some more money, I’ll make you eat a delicious rat — pigeons are just the same and you won’t even notice it.’ And so Dottoré, I gave in to ignorance. Naples is not ready for gourmet dishes. Masterchef will have to wait another year and at Christmas we’ll eat clams, cod and eel…”

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