BEIJING — Since her last relationship ended in April 2024, Vicky Zhang has been on 10 offline blind dates. None had led anywhere. That was until December, when she was casually browsing the social media platform Xiaohongshu. She came across a live stream chat with a host and eight men and women. They were on a blind date.
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The host on the Xiaohongshu platform (known in English as RedNote) guided each participant to introduce basic personal information, such as height, personality, education, financial status and expectations of their future partner. Following the format of the dating game show Fēi Chéng Wù Rǎo (If You Are The One), which has been broadcasted on Jiangsu Satellite Television for 15 years, the chat participants are often referred to by the hosts and audience as “male guests” or “female guests.”
The chat’s hosts, along with thousands of viewers, often encourage a guest to showcase a talent, like “show your abs,” “sing a song,” or jokingly pair up certain guests. During one chat, a man simply took off his shirt and showed off his muscles for two minutes, which made the other guests blush and laugh. The chat can also feature musicals, live dubbing of anime and manga, parodies of funny viral clips and dancing to popular dances. One guest wore an emperor’s dragon robe, applied funny makeup and danced with a doll.
“One glance could make or break it.”
Zhang, 29, works for a state-owned business in Beijing. She has had two relationships with men that began to become serious. But when their plans for the future didn’t align, she chose to end the relationships. She said that a offline blind date typically lasts about 20-30 minutes, and that she and her date directly discuss their conditions and requirements. “The atmosphere is what you would expect, typical of a blind date, not a casual chat. The reasons for rejection are also quite polite. One guy said after their meeting, ‘I like your personality, but I think we’re more suited to being friends.'”
One-on-one exchanges often feel like “one glance could make or break it.” Vicky is very careful of her performance, and her tolerance level is very low. Once, Vicky and her date met at a café, and as soon as he saw her, “his eyebrows furrowed; I guess he didn’t like my looks.” Fruitless offline blind dates left Vicky feeling “very exhausted,” she was sad about not finding a match, and stressed by the thought of having to keep looking.
After watching three similar Xiaohongshu blind date live streams, Vicky finally gathered the courage to click the connect button at the bottom right corner to join the chat. “I want to try my luck,” she said. “Seeing how bold everyone was made me think I could do it too
Being true to yourself
Aria Shen, 40, is a high school teacher. Before dating regularly, she was very introverted, describing her social skills as similar to those of a toddler. After college, Aria’s parents began looking for someone for her. In addition to asking friends and family, her mom would go to the dating corner at Xuanwu Lake in Nanjing, Jiangsu province — where parents post their children’s biographies for blind dates — to find Aria a match.
But the blind dates set up by friends and family were not ideal for Aria. On a blind date last year, the guy was too intrusive, asking her about her job and the nature of her organization, and saying he would prefer that she be taller than 5 feet 4 inches. “It always felt like I was being scrutinized and objectified,” she said.
At first, I thought the people were strange to go on the internet to find someone.
At first, Aria was shocked to see a live stream blind date chat. “At first, I thought the people were strange to go on the internet to find someone. But then I wondered about doing it too,” she said. After watching the live stream for more than a month, the enthusiastic host gave her a sense of security. The participants’ openness also encouraged her. “Just like [the Chinese stand-up comedian] Fu Hang said: ‘Be true to yourself,'” said Aria, who has participated in nearly 20 live matchmaking chats on Xiaohongshu since 2024.
Aria’s live chats are hosted by “Mr. Live” — a nickname given to him by his fans — and organized by Lai Tumi. Since early 2024, the pair has run a joint account called “Live Not Greasy to Dating.” Among the first live dating streams on Xiaohongshu, it introduced the “nine box” multi-chat format, which is now the most popular. Their live stream has attracted up to 3,000 viewers at a time, with total viewership reaching over 500,000. Even at 12:30 a.m. on weekday nights, Mr. Live’s stream may have nearly 1,000 viewers.
Mr. Live
Much of Mr. Live’s popularity can be attributed to his hosting style; he studied broadcasting in college and has an outgoing, high-energy personality. He describes himself not caring about his image on the internet and faces the camera without pretense. As he wrote in his Xiaohongshu account description: “This is a ‘not serious blind date’ live stream.” According to Lai Tumi, Mr. Live’s high-energy personality creates a sense of security for participants like Aria, who are introverted in real life.
“In live blind dates, we pay more attention to the first impression, temperament and conversation. After all, we still hope that with a good match, we can slowly make our way to the marriage hall,” Mr. Live said.
In the live chat, participants find a sense of identity.
In China, same-sex couples are not recognized by the government, and sexual minorities can only express themselves subtly on social media. Yet Lai Tumi has seen more and more LGBTQ+ people participate in the live stream chat or threads, and openly express their sexual orientation. “In the live chat, they find a sense of identity, and we are able to joke about the things we are afraid to talk about in reality without feeling embarrassed or like an anomaly,” says Lai Tumi.
Unicorns and potato coins
Although there is only so much they can do to check the authenticity of each participant’s identity and motivations, Mr. Live and Lai Tumi do their best to maintain the live stream’s friendly atmosphere. Another unique feature of the live dating chat is the large number of viewers and the real-time scrolling comments.
“The good thing is that people are now prepared for negative comments on the internet,” Mr. Live said. When he sees negative comments about a guest, he will immediately defend the guest in the live stream, while Lai Tumi is responsible for cleaning up the malicious comments and banning the posters.
Mr Live’s live broadcast is currently only earning money through the gifts and rewards from viewers. If a viewer is particularly fond of a guest in front of the camera, he or she can choose to send a virtual gift called a “unicorn” to the live broadcast in exchange for a chance to go on the air and communicate with the guest immediately.
This kind of income is mainly based on luck and depends on the mood of viewers.
A “unicorn” on Xiaohongshu costs 299 “potato coins,” or about 43 yuan (.95), and the gifts sent by viewers are split 50-50 between the Xiaohongshu platform and the hosts.
At 2 a.m. on a weekday morning, just before Mr. Live went off the air, the list of online viewers in the live broadcast room showed that the top five viewers had given a total of 3,148 potato coins, equivalent to about 450 yuan (). This kind of income is mainly based on luck and depends on the mood of viewers.
