TBILISI — Last week, a few days after Georgia passed a discriminatory law banning “LGBT propaganda,” the country’s most famous trans woman, 37-year-old Kesaria Abramidze, was murdered in the capital of Tbilisi. She had more than half a million followers on Instagram alone. “Holod” spoke with another well-known Georgia-based trans woman, Sofi Beridze, about why this tragedy occurred, homophobia in her country and her determination to leave after what has happened:
I was born and raised in Moscow, but now I live in Georgia. You only understand that life in Moscow is f***ed up after you move to a normal country. Then you look back at your past: yes, there are cool places to eat out, friends, modern infrastructure, delivery arrives in 15 minutes – but everything else is completely f***ed.
It was like I was living in a fog with restaurant delivery at my fingertips. I am sure that in terms of freedom life is better in Georgia, but I think that if I moved, say, to Germany or Norway, I would say the same about Georgia: what a f***ing mess.
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We are all living on a knife’s edge: you learn to maneuver well, and your feet have thick heels. But if a strong wind rises, or your heels get softer – that’s it, you’ve been cut.
With that said, at least in Georgia the police doesn’t pose any danger to you. For example, in situations of domestic violence, they are always on the side of the women who are suffering. But in Moscow, you are constantly afraid of the police. In Moscow, I was also afraid of the obvious homophobes, who look like skinheads and whom you can run into in the dangerous areas of the city. I don’t believe there is anything like that in Georgia.
In fact, I got lucky with my appearance [because you can’t tell I’m a trans woman], so it’s easier for me. Here, if someone who was raised in a village finds out that you are LGBTQ, they will most likely be afraid of you: they don’t know how to talk to you. But in Russia, they might come after you.
Homophobia and latent homosexuality
I got to know Kesaria through correspondence; many people in the country knew her. According to the information we currently have, Kesaria was killed by her ex-boyfriend, with whom she had an abusive relationship; he beat her. They broke up, then decided to get back together and agreed that she would let him into the apartment if he allowed her to post their joint photos on social media.
However, he is actually one of the protestors who beat up participants of the LGBTQ pride event in Tbilisi, an open homophobe. It’s possible he was afraid that his friends would see the photos. (Editor’s note: a 28-year-old man has been arrested in connection with the murder.)
He bought alcohol, some snacks and a folding knife. No one knows what was going on in his head. First, he hit her, and then he stabbed her 28 times.
I constantly imagine myself in her place, thinking that something like that could happen to me. It’s very hard. I think it’s another trauma that I will have to live with. Now my eyes are opening to the fact that I am living in the fog again. Yes, in a sense it is better here than in Russia, but it is still not safe.
Many manifest their latent homosexuality through aggression
I don’t understand what it is about these double lives, when a man goes out with a trans woman and goes to trash a pride parade. But this is what we’re living with – and there is a lot of it. It seems to me that this split is characteristic of Eastern people, and many manifest their latent homosexuality through aggression due to their narrow-mindedness. Of course, if you suppress yourself, you become isolated and aggressive. And homophobia inevitably leads to an increase in violence.
Moreover, this split also manifests at the state level. Georgia has always been between two worlds: it is torn between liberal Europe and conservative Iran, Turkey and Russia. Georgia has been at the crossroads of empires since the dawn of time. At the same time, local Orthodoxy is more conservative, patriarchal and autocratic than Russian; and in some ways even more conservative than Islam, if you do not take into account the radicals.
Now the Georgian government is choosing the side of Iran and Russia. They are already buying oil and cars there; they cooperate with them more than with Europe. But up until now, it was the other way around. And all of it, of course, affects people’s lives. Conservatism is now growing in our country: for example, outside of large cities, fathers choose husbands for their daughters, and it’s considered normal.
No longer safe
The ruling “Georgian Dream” party, [a coalition of political parties funded by billionaire Bidzina Ivanashvili and which has now been in power for 12 years], used the homophobic law as a way to bribe people [after the unpopular “foreign agents” law was passed]. But in reality, it just wants more power and wants to turn Georgia into an autocracy. This benefits the government, not the people.
There have been horrible things written in the comments under my posts about Kesaria, such as “one faggot killed another faggot,” and “it’s good that they tossed that unnecessary sh*t from this world.” There aren’t many of these people, but they exist.
I’m constantly thinking about the fact that I might get killed
After recent events, I no longer feel safe in Georgia, although I used to be able to talk about the LGBTQ community here without any problems. Now, I am planning to move to Europe. I’m constantly thinking about the fact that I might get killed; this is probably the beginning of PTSD – I’ve internalized the story of Kesaria.
Although I considered studying in Tbilisi, I now think it is dangerous for me to be here. All the students will know that I am trans, and out of a thousand people there might be one crazy person.
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