Updated June 9, 2025 at 6:10 p.m.*
BOGOTÁ — Asexuality corresponds to the letter “A” in the LGBTIQA+ acronym, but it remains one of the most invisible and least understood orientations within sexual diversity. The idea of not feeling sexual desire continues to generate awkwardness, confusion and disbelief in a society that assumes sex is an indispensable component of social and emotional life.
And while awareness of asexuality is steadily growing — with several events, for instance, planned in Washington, D.C. during Pride Month — there is still widespread uncertainty about what it means to form meaningful connections when sexual desire isn’t part of the equation.
Across Latin America, El Espectador spoke with three organizations working with people on the asexual spectrum, and helped to explain the challenges they face and some key elements to bear in mind for anyone exploring this path.
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According to AVEN or the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, asexual is a person who “does not experience sexual attraction — they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction… in a sexual way.” The NGO’s chief, Michael J. Doré, qualifies it as an orientation like heterosexuality or homosexuality, but crucially without the physical desire.
It does not mean being celibate, non-sexual in the sense of genderless, or anti-sex. It is not a posture, Doré stresses, but an orientation: “just a part of who we are.”
AVEN’s website points that there is attraction toward people but in other forms, qualified variously as aesthetic or sensual.
Asexuality has not, in other words, slammed the door on romantic love. Important issues that arise in this community’s online forums include discussing safe sex practices and mutual consent, effective communication and constant and full knowledge of the partner’s conditions and limits.
Sexual desire, social consensus
Asexuality is also diverse. Asexuales Colombia, an online forum that brings the community together from across the country, says it includes “semi-sexual” persons who only feel sexual desire after establishing a profound emotional bond, as well as “graysexuals,” who feel it sporadically and in very specific circumstances.
There is a gradation of sexual attraction or its absence.
Activist Laura Anahí Charles González, also known as Tía Mey (Auntie Mey), a spokesperson for the Asexuales México organization, believes asexuality is not an automatic rejection of sex. Some asexuals decide to have sex for different motives including loving a partner, while others prefer not to. The key is in consent, she says, and respect for a person’s life experience.
There is thus a gradation of sexual attraction or its absence, not to mention its modalities, though it is a condition that still defies the social consensus on sexual desire being natural, inherent… and constant.
Asexual relationships
One should firstly separate two concepts that are often confused: sexual and romantic attraction. The second, it must be said, seeks affective bonds, ways to nurture love and build a relationship as a couple. Asexuals include heteroromantic persons (who would love someone of the opposite sex), homoromantic persons (attracted toward the same sex), biromantic and even aromantic (lacking the romantic sense).
Asexual, romantic relationships are built, not surprisingly, on the basis of kindness, commitment and agreements. Sex may not be the central element, but intimacy, complicity and love remain essential. Dialogue is “more important to us,” one of the people we interviewed told us: “Everything is agreed upon on the basis of tenderness, consent and mutual respect.”
They may be reminiscent of the “romantic friendships” of the Victorian or Romantic periods.
Asexuals may prefer traditional romantic ties or “queerplatonic” relations that imply a profound personal bond (that is not romantic), or falling into a gray zone between friendship and loving intimacy. Some may see them as reminiscent of the “romantic friendships” of the Victorian or Romantic periods, as in the passionate friendship between the English poets Byron and Shelley.
They might show all the traits of a close relationship, barring the sex. Verbal, emotional and gestural communications, and observation, are likely to play a paramount role here.
What is normal?
Modern society may be said to be both conformist and oversexed, which can create challenges at the personal level. Asexual persons may have a particularly hard time in their teenage years, when sex is, well, all the rage. Spain’s FELGTBI+ or the State Federation to defend the rights of gay, lesbian and other dissenting sexual groups, believes 10% of all asexual persons were victims of aggression in 2024.
Confusion or lack of information on this condition has also led people to consider it a medical condition or a passing phase (as homosexuality was in past decades). That has inevitably led asexual individuals to see a doctor or seek a cure, forgetting theirs is a perfectly valid, and harmless, way to live.
A spokeswoman for Asexuales Colombia shared her experience with El Espectador: “I ended up believing I was sick for not wanting sex. I sought psychological help, a psychiatrist, because I thought something was wrong inside me for not wanting what everybody was saying was ‘normal’.”
Society sees sex as synonymous with love, and good health.
For the asexual, having to face the widely accepted idea that sex is crucial to any relationship can fuel isolation, or a sense of guilt or inadequacy. Respondents typically voiced fears of ending up alone or wrecking a relationship for not wanting sex. Society sees sex as synonymous with love — or at least an expression of love — and of good health. Such attitudes can not only isolate individuals but even pave the way for sexual abuse or domestic violence.
In seeking to rectify misperceptions about asexuality, groups like Asexuales México even found themselves facing initial hostility among the gay communities — themselves the erstwhile victims of social opprobrium.
Don’t rush to conclusions
In Colombia, Mexico and elsewhere around the region and the world, platforms like these have sought to create meeting spaces, visibility and support for this community, but also to increase information in more languages to reach a wider public.
González says asexuality has its particular challenges in Latin America. Traditional gender roles, she says, “expectations of marriage and motherhood, and the strong religious influence make it difficult for asexual people to come out and be recognized as such.
Discovering your asexuality is for many, a process of self-knowledge that redefines your past and opens up possibilities. Auntie Mey says: “Knowing I was asexual helped me stop forcing myself and to understand I wasn’t broken. Just different, and that’s OK.”
Doré says reflection and patience are crucial “Take your time, don’t rush to label yourself. Investigate, talk to other people, join communities if you like. Every person’s experience is different, and that’s alright.”
*Originally published May 30, 2025, this article was updated June 9, 2025 to include news about Pride Month.
