MADRID — Sometimes, men and women seem like two neighboring worlds separated by a glass wall: we can see each other, but not really hear what’s on the other side. It’s a disconnection that breeds helplessness and turns proximity into misunderstanding — even when we’re standing face to face.
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So how do we bridge that gap? How do we begin to understand each other’s blind spots? How can we create connection in a world that’s evolved, yet still shackled to outdated cultural, social, and mental frameworks?
Mothers who feel alone and judged. Men adrift, reduced to “helpers.” Couples falling apart. And again: what kind of men do women actually want?
We sat down with Laura Baena, founder of El Club de Malasmadres — literally, “The Bad Mothers Club”—, and her colleague Maite Egoscozabal, the group’s director of social research. What began as a Twitter account in 2014 — back when it was still Twitter, not X — has become one of Spain’s most influential movements to dismantle the idealized image of motherhood and push back against the pressure to be “the perfect mom.”
With over a million followers and countless workshops, campaigns and talks across Spain, Malasmadres has one clear message: women shouldn’t have to lose themselves and their identity in order to raise children. They poke fun at the unrealistic standards of perfect motherhood, challenging clichés with humor and solidarity: “We don’t want to give up our careers — but we also don’t want to miss watching our children grow.”
According to Las Invisibles, a study by Malasmadres, 7 out of 10 women say they feel alone when it comes to raising and educating their children. Another report, El coste de la conciliación (“The Cost of Work-Life Balance”), documents the invisible mental load women bear — a relentless, private burden.
Consider this: only 8% of school WhatsApp group participants are men. Only 3% of fathers take charge of their kids’ homework or of supporting them emotionally. Fewer than 10% interrupt their workday when a child is sick.
We raise kids behind closed doors now, on our own. But parenting was never meant to be solitary.
“Women feel isolated — with no support at work, in society, or even in their own families. Nine out of ten mothers feel judged, often by other women or even their own relatives,” says Baena.
“This loneliness is a byproduct of an individualistic society,” adds Egoscozabal. “We raise kids behind closed doors now, on our own. But parenting was never meant to be solitary — we’re social beings who need a tribe.”
Q: What’s happening with mothers today?
Baena: We’re trapped by an impossible stereotype and ideal of motherhood. Being the perfect mom and the perfect professional? It’s unattainable. The women who come to our workshops are exhausted, frustrated, bitter, even depressed. Some quit their jobs — but that’s often not the root issue. Maternal burnout appears — an undeniable reality in this relentlessly demanding society. What has happened with our generation is that we were handed an unattainable model.
Q: Can you break that down a bit more?
Baena: We’re the “bridge generation.” Our mothers didn’t even have the choice to keep working — they gave everything up without question. That was just how it was. But we were sold a fantasy: You don’t have to sacrifice yourself anymore. You can be a devoted mother and a successful professional. You can have it all. Except… you can’t.
Today, you’re expected to work as if you don’t have kids, and parent as if you don’t work. That’s where the burnout hits. That feeling of constantly falling short. And the loneliness — it’s rooted in systemic neglect and in choices that aren’t really choices at all.
Men’s shame
Baena calls them unicorns: those rare, truly co-responsible fathers. But she understands that — by defying stereotypes of traditional masculinity — they may feel more shame than guilt.
Q: Why is that?
Baena: I think a lot of men feel ashamed — not guilty, but ashamed — to be seen doing what’s still considered “mom stuff.” Like taking full paternity leave. Picking the kids up from school. Being the one who stays home while their partner travels or earns more. These guys don’t usually boast about what they do. They’re quiet, maybe even embarrassed to admit they’re the ones in charge at home.
Q: But there is also an issue of identity. Just like women, men also feel pressure. If a man’s not the provider — then who is he?
Baena: Exactly. The roles are still rigid: man as provider, woman as caregiver. Only now, women have been saddled with both. Men still aren’t expected to be great caregivers. (Check out Caring isn’t a Bonus.)
Egoscozabal: Men tie their identity to the public sphere. Take that away, bring them into the private realm as fathers, and it messes with who they think they are. They feel unmoored.
Many women still feel invaded when men step into these traditionally “maternal” spaces. That has to change.
Q: What could women do differently?
Baena: We need to rethink parenting entirely — and start letting men into spaces we’ve guarded too tightly. Think of school WhatsApp groups. I’m not even in the ones for my three daughters — I miss half of what’s going on. But many women still feel invaded when men step into these traditionally “maternal” spaces. That has to change. As long as men are coming in with empathy, with a willingness to be part of the tribe. And many do.
Q: But men weren’t raised for this. We were trained to provide, not nurture.
Egoscozabal: Which is why they’re lost.
Baena: Over the past decade, we’ve empowered girls to take on male-coded roles — but we haven’t done the same for boys, to embrace female-coded ones. That’s a cultural overhaul. It’ll take generations.
Q: What do you expect from men?
Baena: We need men to step up without being asked. Not, “Just tell me what you need and I’ll do it.” We want initiative.
When there’s no shared responsibility once kids hit adolescence, a lot of couples fall apart.
Q: Can you give an example?
Baena: Take teenagers. Their emotional management is a parenting tsunami. We mothers are the ones holding the family together and carrying the weight of that emotional labor, which boys and girls deeply need at a stage when their brains are changing at an incredible speed. When there’s no shared responsibility once kids hit adolescence, a lot of couples fall apart. Many mothers feel deeply alone, even while in a relationship. Many fathers aren’t present and don’t participate enough. We need more involvement from men — for them to take co-responsibility for this emotional work, which means listening to and being there for their children. It’s a massive burden, especially during adolescence, and now we’re also dealing with external factors like social media.
Building bridges, not walls
Q: How do you build bridges with men?
Baena: We tailor our message to the room. Our feminism has always been inclusive, practical, and human. We extend a hand, not a wall. We want partnership. We’ve had women tell us, “Your feminism speaks to me.”
Egoscozabal: Some say, “Tell me what’s happening in my home. Make it clear. If you tell me afterward that it’s feminism, fine. But don’t start with patriarchy and heteropatriarchy — I won’t get it.”
We help shift the lens, so that couples don’t just fight — they talk to each other and understand.
Baena: Ideology can alienate. Just using certain words can paint you as belonging to a camp. But this isn’t ideological — it’s a social crisis. Our job is to wake people up. We offer tools to talk to your partner. To express what you feel. To ask for what you need. From there, you build. Love is care, and care is love. We help shift the lens, so that couples don’t just fight — they talk to each other and understand.
Q: How can we men better understand women?
Baena: There needs to be a lot of freedom in order to truly speak and listen to one another — but very few couples actually tell each other the truth. We come from a model of relationships that’s deeply submissive and built around a stereotype that feels so far removed from who we really are… A model so traditional that it’s hard to break. But it is possible — if the man is willing to truly listen to you, and to your feelings.
Q: And for women, the first step is speaking up.
Baena: Absolutely. It starts with listening to yourself — not with blame, but with curiosity. What do I need to feel okay? From that place, you can begin to understand. When we talk about the kind of men that women like today… well, I think we’re done with the “strong provider” stereotype. The man we like now? He listens. He’s in touch with his feminine side.
