Sad? Happy? Happier? My Eight Weeks On A Happiness App

BERLIN — As a teenager, I believed that people become happier as they age because they get better at dealing with difficulties. Once the scraped knee heals, the first heartbreak passes, the initial jealousy is overcome and the first death is mourned, nothing stands in the way of happiness.

Now, in my mid-30s, I have a job, a partner, an apartment, and hobbies. Everything is in place, and I’m doing well. But the question “Are you happy?” makes me panic. My answer is not “no,” but saying “yes” is difficult. I could be doing a little better, I think as I look around. Scrolling through my feed, everyone seems to be in Bali, doing reformer Pilates and feeling great, with endless time for coffee dates. And never, ever in a bad mood.

Of course, TikTok and Instagram are distorted reflections of reality. And the search for happiness has long become a business model. Millions of books sold, thousands of podcasts listened to, hundreds of well-paid life coaches — they are all part of a lucrative market.

I think, sure, I want to optimize my happiness too, and if I’m already glued to my smartphone, then why not there? The SuperBetter app wants to make you more resilient. The Happier app wants to help you be more present and positive. The Happiness Planner promises to not only make you happier but also healthier and more productive. Their promise is simple: it’s actually quite easy to be a little happier.

A quest for happiness

On a Monday at the end of August, I decide to try Happify because it was at least based on some research. Summer vacation had just ended and while I was in the best of moods because I was relaxed, I was also already worried about the gently approaching fall and the inexorably nearing winter.

For me, winter means that I do less, have fewer pleasant chance encounters and spend more time at home with dark thoughts that match the lack of light.

The app promises its users measurable increases in happiness within eight weeks. In bright colors, it first asks me about my gender, age, job, relationship status, children and health issues. It asks if I recover quickly from setbacks (yes), if I think more about the future and past than being in the present (yes), and whether I want the premium version or the free one (the free one).

I’m pleased and ask myself: Am I already happier?

The app works by having users choose a specific course and then complete various exercises. Users earn medals for a certain number of completed exercises. I choose the course “Conquer Negative Thoughts.”

In the first exercise, I’m supposed to click on positive words on hot air balloons rising against a classic American desert landscape. I tap “Happiness” and “Wisdom,” and my balloon rises. Then I click on “Dreary” and “Discard,” causing my balloon to crash. Not only am I working on my happiness but also on my English skills.

Second task: I have to ask someone close to me what they particularly like about me. I’m in the office and glad that I can pass the question off as research. I ask a colleague and listen: I am very empathetic, bring people together and have a great sense for texts. I’m pleased and ask myself: Am I already happier?

A skill to be strengthened

The three tech entrepreneurs who developed Happify in 2012 in the United States said their goal as nothing less than empowering people to lead more fulfilling lives. Happiness is said to be a skill that can be strengthened. That is how they market their app.

In some ways, they place themselves within a long tradition of thinkers. Plato, for example, believed that a person is only happy when all parts of their soul are in harmony. For Epicurus and Schopenhauer, happiness was primarily the absence of pain. According to Aristotle, we only truly realize ourselves within the political community. Rousseau saw happiness in a life close to nature. Nietzsche found all of this ridiculous.

My mood doesn’t improve. In fact, it worsens.

On day two comes my first happiness check — a kind of brief assessment of my psyche that I’ll now do every two weeks. I answer how often I’ve felt joyful, inspired, enthusiastic or grateful over the past month; how often I’ve felt sad, guilty, lonely or angry; as well as how satisfied I am with my relationships, work, leisure time — and myself.

I score 56 points and receive the label “You’re getting by.” According to the app, I’m doing okay. It’s right: that morning I got my period; I’m tired, unfocused and have stomach pains.

The app advises me to embrace life more fully. But this morning I’m only embracing my hot water bottle. It suggests shooting small fluffy monsters holding signs with words like “Sorrow” or “Impatience” with a slingshot; it also recommends stretching for six minutes.

I’m not interested in either but do both anyway. My mood doesn’t improve. In fact, it worsens.

Feeling good with flow

Over the next few days, the exercises become another task on an overlong to-do list. I tap on hot air balloons with positive words when the app says to. One day, I write down things I’m grateful for, the next I document my thoughts. The app suggests I stick to the productive ones and let the unproductive ones go.

I also carefully record my mood and realize that I am more melancholy than I thought. I spend large parts of my days neither happy nor grateful. I despair over formulations and do not feel any of the sense for text that my colleague attested to. On my way home, I walk past withered flower beds. In one of them, a man has been sleeping for days; his face is as gray as his curbside pillow. I walk past and am ashamed that I don’t stop.

Over weekend, I’m sent on a research trip where time is too short to despair over wording. I don’t open my app once but on the happiness check a week later, I’ve improved by 12 points. Perhaps due to what psychology calls flow: I work with focus, get a lot done and feel good.

What research says

For a quarter of a century, the research branch of positive psychology has been looking for answers to the question of happiness, with moderate success. More conservative scientists criticize its focus on positivity as too narrow, while parts of this research seem esoteric.

One of the most important representatives of positive psychology in Germany is Bernhard Schmitz, an emeritus professor of psychology at TU Darmstadt who has continued his research into retirement aiming for a systematic understanding of what makes people happy. Fittingly, I reach him while he is relaxing on vacation.

Then the app is no longer helpful but annoying.

He tells me that the effects of exercises from apps vary. Some improve mood temporarily while others do so long-term. Apps can help make something habitual. For example, it is well documented that being more grateful in everyday life makes you happier in the long term.

But exercises such as a daily gratitude diary quickly become boring. “And then the app is no longer helpful but annoying.” At that point, I had long since forgotten to write down the things I was grateful for every day.

I ask him whether happiness can be measured like steps, sleep times or heart rate? In psychology, it’s common to assess emotional states using questionnaires, Schmitz says. Happiness can also be measured this way. But sometimes the measurement alone influences what you intend to measure: Someone may become happier or unhappier just by being asked about their feelings.

Not suitable for all

I take my next happiness check as soon as it pops up on my phone, on Sept. 19 at 11 a.m. I’m exhausted from work, have a cold, am sitting on my couch and watch other people’s lives pass me by on my screen. I’ve just canceled a meeting with a friend that I was looking forward to. I end up with 29 points. Less than half as much happiness as two weeks ago.

“Things aren’t so great right now,” the app says. It encourages me not to get discouraged but also suggests that if these feelings persist professional help might be advisable — at least it seems aware of its limits.

Its exercises are suitable for moving someone from an average, slightly positive state to a more positive one. But it may exacerbate depression “and it’s not suitable for anyone prone to rumination,” Schmitz says

Between me and happiness lies an endless list of things to do.

I sit at my kitchen table and contemplate what makes me happy. The first thing that comes to mind is the perfectly browned toast in front of me. Schmitz says that enjoying the little things makes you happy, but a happy life consists of more than just moments of happiness strung together.

Actually, I still think like my teenage self: Once this text is finished… Once I’ve taken enough time for my family… Once I’ve made it to my grandma’s 90th birthday… Once I have figured out whether or not I want children… Once I’m where I’d like to be career-wise… then I will be happy.

Between me and happiness lies an endless list of things to do along with unhappy moments that need to be overcome. Yet the list has been there for years now without getting shorter.

Happiness is complex

“The idea of happiness is not that you’re happy all the time,” says Schmitz. “Of course, negative events also occur in everyday life; part of living well means not ignoring them but rather handling them appropriately — even if it sometimes make you feel bad.”

I’d love to belong to the 86% of people who, according to Happify, are measurably happier after eight weeks of using the app. But what if an argument with my partner, or perhaps grief, or a burnt piece of toast get in the way of my next happiness check?

The eight weeks are over in mid-October. And I’m back to where I started: a Happiness Score of 56. At least, according to the app, I am not unhappier than before.

Psychology prefers to speak of the art of living, life satisfaction or well-being.

Perhaps the problem lies within words themselves. For me, happiness sounds loud, like laughter or sunshine or clinking glasses or perhaps even champagne. But happiness is much more than that.

Psychology prefers to speak of the art of living, life satisfaction or well-being. It can mean a hobby that makes you lose track of time. A job that you love or an honorary position that gives you a sense of purpose. It means friendships, family, a network of people who support you. It means having control over your own life, shaping things or achieving a goal. It means finding contentment in the moment. And it means being sad or angry now and then.

It’s the end of October. For a few days now, the app has been reminding me to do my happiness check. I know what questions I’ll be asked. And I know how I have to answer them to be measurably happier. I don’t open the app.