-Essay-
HAMBURG — Recently, my seven-year-old nephew came over for a visit. We were sitting at the dinner table, eating pasta with pesto, when we asked him: “How does it taste?”
“Not good, and not bad,” he replied.
We adults chuckled, thinking his answer was just a polite way of saying, This is awful! But that wasn’t the case at all. My nephew meant exactly what he said. And in that moment, I wondered: Did this kid just teach us all a lesson?
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On the one hand, he was honest — he said exactly how he felt. To him, the meal was just average. On the other hand, he seemed completely content with average. His verdict didn’t stop him from eating. In his mind, “not bad and not good” added up to enough. And it wasn’t enough in the disappointing sense, like a barely passing school grade. It was enough to satisfy him in that moment.
Chasing the extraordinary
We humans often crave the exceptional, the unattainable. And sure, there’s value in that; striving for more keeps us from stagnating. Without ambition, there’s no progress. And yes, if you don’t aim for the stars, you’ll never make the leap.
But sometimes, especially in the daily grind, it’s worth stepping back from the constant pursuit of greatness and taking a cue from my nephew. Maybe it’s okay to settle for what’s a little bland but perfectly fine. Chasing after the extraordinary, day in and day out, can first consume you, then trap you, and finally drive you to the brink of madness. (Right, Elon?)
We end up dismissing what makes up the bulk of our existence.
Mediocrity gets a bad reputation. Nobody lines up for a mediocre chef or a middle-of-the-pack athlete. The truly awful sparks outrage or hilarity, while the brilliant inspire awe. But for most of us, life isn’t about the extremes. It’s about what happens in the middle.
If we’re always chasing the extraordinary, we end up dismissing what makes up the bulk of our existence. We risk undervaluing our own lives. That constant push to be different — to be better — can motivate, sure, but it can just as easily backfire into endless dissatisfaction. Things could always be better.
In the middle
When my nephew so innocently praised the middle ground, it reminded me of a conversation I’d had with Günter Hänsel, a young Protestant pastor in Berlin. In his early 30s, Hänsel has officiated many weddings.
It’s a blessing if your marriage is 50% good.
He told me about a thought he often shares in his sermons: “It’s a blessing if your marriage is 50% good. It’s a blessing if you’re 50% satisfied with your job.” Hänsel told me those words have received more heartfelt reactions than anything else he’s ever said.
Why? Because they take the pressure off. Hearing that on what’s supposed to be “the best day of your life” (talk about pressure!) can feel like a weight lifting. It reminds people that they don’t have to meet impossible expectations. Some things can go wrong without derailing the bigger picture. Life, after all, comes with ups and downs — it’s a waste of energy to expect only the ups.
That 50% formula stuck with me. It’s honest and realistic — two qualities that are especially valuable not just for starting a marriage, but for navigating the inevitable rough patches, whether in relationships or in life.
Constantly striving for the absolute best is exhausting and unfair — to ourselves and to those around us. But if we can embrace the tough phases, we’re better positioned to appreciate and savor the truly extraordinary moments when they come.
In the meantime, there’s power in being okay with being okay. Even if it’s just an average dinner.
