-Essay-
KYIV — On the second anniversary of the Russia-Ukraine war, I had lost 20 kg (44 lbs.).
Not because of the army food — it’s not bad here. Ukraine is required to feed each soldier 3,500 calories, and believe me, it does it quite persistently. Snacks are always at hand, so those are accustomed to stress eating chocolate can easily put on a couple pounds.
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And not due to the physical activity. In the army, everything is individual, so while some are running kilometers, others can sit around until their muscles atrophy.
So if you lose weight in the army, it is not due to circumstances but in spite of them.
The reason was different.
Control over circumstances
In life, there are two ways of dealing with time: it can work for you, or it can work against you. You can be hospitalized for appendicitis and wake up after anesthesia in the hospital with all the accompanying sensations. But at the same time, you will know that every second the stitches are tightening, the body is healing, and your tomorrow will certainly be better than your today.
Sometimes it is the other way around. When you have a task, a deadline, but you diligently ignore both. And every day there is less and less time left, but the amount of work does not change. At this point, anxiety becomes your constant companion, and time becomes your enemy. Because, all things being equal, tomorrow will be harder than today.
That’s how it is. In the army, you are never sure whether time is on your side.
A soldier’s zone of control is not that large. You do not know your future. You cannot be sure what awaits you tomorrow. Even if you eliminate all administrative and bureaucratic surprises, you will never be able to calculate the trajectory.
That’s why you cannot be sure that time is your guaranteed ally. You cannot promise yourself that tomorrow will be better than today. It’s better to abandon the civilian habit of constantly controlling everything — in the army, it is a very annoying tendency.
The easiest and most effective thing to do is to focus on what you can do here and now.
The decision to lose weight was just a way to break the system. First, a diet gives you back control over your circumstances, even if it is limited to controlling what is on your plate.
Second, it allows you to renegotiate with time. It allows you to make time your ally again, even if only on a very personal level. You start to live with the idea that tomorrow you will look and feel better than you do today — simply because today, you decided to overcome stress eating. In the third year of service, it is very important to feel that time is your ally.
The outcome of the Russia-Ukraine war depends on many factors. No one knows what the next black swan will be. No one knows the outcome of elections in allied countries. The easiest and most effective thing to do is to focus on what you can do here and now.
And at the same time, cross out self-destruction from your daily routine. In this case, some specific details of your personal tomorrow will became clear.
I often think that this approach is much more universal than it seems.
The biography of our generation
Two years ago, Ukrainians perceived the war as a temporary distortion. As a situational zigzag that will soon be corrected and straightened out. Adapting to the idea of war as the new norm was quite painful. The situation reeked of fraud and forgery. We wanted to find the guilty culprit and called for deus ex machina.
The uncertainty of the future is not good for the psyche. Lack of control makes everything fragile and unstable today. A situation of instability does not allow you to lean back and take a breath. It generates neuroses and irritation. It accumulates burnout and fatigue. In a sprint, the finish line is clearly visible, but in a marathon, the thought of the distance becomes more frightening than the distance itself.
In any new process, you are initially driven by motivation, excitement, and courage. The problem is that this inevitably ends, and you need to move on with discipline. Inspiration gives way to necessity. In my case, this transformation happened after a year and a half of service.
If I decide to run marathons after the war, I will know the rules of the game in advance.
If I decide to run marathons after the war, I will know the rules of the game in advance. When you are not sure about the future, focus on the present. If you are afraid of the distance, focus on the process. Actions are more important than emotions. Discipline is more important than motivation. And if circumstances cannot be changed, find a use for them.
I don’t know how long my army service will last. I don’t know when I will be able to change from my camo uniform into jeans. My non-mobilized fellow Ukrainians will take a responsibility test this year, and if they fail, we all risk being stuck in the army.
Writing a history textbook is quite tiring, and we will gladly share this responsibility. The main thing is to have someone to share it with.
The biography of our generation will devalue museums, because our era is brighter than any chapter in a history textbook. People who will become monuments walk the same streets as us. Those whose biographies will be studied in schools send us memes on instant messengers.
I still think we are doing great, despite the burnout and fatigue. As before, I try not to lose faith in people, focusing my anger on certain individuals. I also believe that I am lucky to live in this era, because any other era now looks like a prelude to ours.
In early 2022, I planned to work less and travel more. That all came true. I just had to be more precise.
I still have 7 kg left to lose.
