When the world gets closer.

We help you see farther.

Sign up to our expressly international daily newsletter.

Already a subscriber? Log in .

You've reached your limit of one free article.

Get unlimited access to Worldcrunch

You can cancel anytime .

SUBSCRIBERS BENEFITS

Exclusive International news coverage

Ad-free experience NEW

Weekly digital Magazine NEW

9 daily & weekly Newsletters

Access to Worldcrunch archives

Free trial

30-days free access, then $2.90
per month.

Annual Access BEST VALUE

$19.90 per year, save $14.90 compared to monthly billing.save $14.90.

Subscribe to Worldcrunch
Germany

Why Women Hate It So Much When Men Cry In Public

Male tears, in the light of day
Male tears, in the light of day
Claudia Becker

BERLIN - People who were there said he cried for several minutes at the executive committee meeting on the morning after his defeat. As party members analyzed what had gone wrong in the state election campaign, the governor of the German state of Lower Saxony, David McAllister, burst into tears. Angela Merkel comforted him, and by now he’ll be feeling a lot better.

It is surprising that imagining a politician crying should seem so touching – especially when the politician in question is a man. But what’s really surprising is that we are still surprised. But of course in some ways that’s not so surprising. What we need to look at squarely in the eye is the fact that we’re not nearly as “advanced” as we like to pretend.

Let’s look at some examples. We live in a democracy, yet we still expect children to do what they’re told. We don’t want anybody to be disadvantaged in any way because of their background, what they look like, and so on, but those who seem the slightest bit “different” to us are routinely harassed. We women fight for the life we would like to have – without any limitations or discrimination due to our gender – yet still find it incredibly sexy to play partner to a successful man.

Yes, a big car and plenty of money make it easier for the little lady to look the other way when he’s obnoxious. She will in any case complain to her female friends about how he’s not in touch with his feelings – and express admiration for men like McAllister who can cry in public. But what happens when her own husband comes back from the office one day, pale, his tie loosened, and tells her there’s a big problem at the office and bursts into tears? What then?

It’s all about the bacon

Because the truth of the matter is this: men who are sensitive, vulnerable, scare women – especially when a sudden display of feeling might seem to presage some kind of breakdown or God forbid his ability to bring home the bacon. And men know this. So men hold back their tears and try not to cry, and may also get angry when on top of whatever it is that is making them want to cry they feel the strong pressure not to.

David McAllister’s tears came because he suffered a political setback. His tears were those of a person who is completely exhausted after an experience marked by extremes of feeling, wavering constantly between high hopes of winning and the dread of losing, and then having to face the reality that it hasn’t worked out after all. His were both tears of disappointment, but also the tears one cries when something comes to an end.

A study conducted by the German Association of Ophthalmologists (DOG) found that until the beginning of their 13th year, boys and girls cry about the same amount of time. It is only with puberty that striking differences appear in the way they express feeling – on average, males break out in tears between six and 17 times per year, while for females the figures are 30 to 64 times a year. Women cry on average for six minutes; men get things under control again in between two to six minutes.

[rebelmouse-image 27086177 alt="""" original_size="634x427" expand=1]

And while women mainly cry when faced with problems that seem insoluble or when they feel excluded, what makes men cry are empathetic feelings and when a relationship comes to an end – a relationship with a person but also with a company, association, club, team, whatever. Anybody who follows sports knows this and has seen countless male soccer players and other athletes in tears.

The same goes for male politicians, and we didn’t learn that from McAllister. American President Barack Obama wiped away a few tears after he won the election; so did Russian President Vladimir Putin after his victory. Those were tears of joy, the opposite of McCallister.

In his 1998-2005 diary, former German Chancellor Helmut Kohl wrote about drawing the final line under his time as the head of government on Oct. 17, 1998: "When I was a boy I was told that men shouldn’t show emotion. I find that a stupid idea. Why should there not be situations where a man has a right to cry? When something touches me, I don’t see why I should hide it."

Happily, David McAllister sees things that way too.

You've reached your limit of free articles.

To read the full story, start your free trial today.

Get unlimited access. Cancel anytime.

Exclusive coverage from the world's top sources, in English for the first time.

Insights from the widest range of perspectives, languages and countries.

Geopolitics

The Pope's Bronchitis Can't Hide What Truly Ails The Church — Or Whispers Of Succession

It is not only the health of the Pope that worries the Holy See. From the collapse of vocations to the conservative wind in the USA, there are many ills to face.

 Pope Francis reaches over to tough the hands of devotees during his  General Audience at the Vatican.​

November 29, 2023: Pope Francis during his wednesday General Audience at the Vatican.

Evandro Inetti/ZUMA
Gianluigi Nuzzi

ROME — "How am I? I'm fine... I'm still alive, you know? See, I'm not dead!"

With a dose of irony and sarcasm, Pope Francis addressed those who'd paid him a visit this past week as he battled a new lung inflammation, and the antibiotic cycles and extra rest he still must stick with on strict doctors' orders.

For the latest news & views from every corner of the world, Worldcrunch Today is the only truly international newsletter. Sign up here.

The Pope is dealing with a sensitive respiratory system; the distressed tracheo-bronchial tree can cause asthmatic reactions, with the breathlessness in his speech being the most obvious symptom. Tired eyes and dark circles mark his swollen face. A sense of unease and bewilderment pervades and only diminishes when the doctors restate their optimism about his general state of wellness.

"The pope's ailments? Nothing compared to the health of the Church," quips a priest very close to the Holy Father. "The Church is much worse off, marked by chronic ailments and seasonal illnesses."

Keep reading...Show less

The latest