At first glance, it’s just another cute photo that’s come across your feed.
A baby, bathed in a soft purple glow, seems to be fast asleep — her head resting peacefully on a comfy, cool lilac puffy coat, surrounded by adults dressed in colorful clothes. Taken from another angle, a second photo shows that the baby (aww, is she wearing friendship bracelets?) is actually equipped with noise-canceling headphones, and an adult is crouching to watch over her from close-up.
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So, why does half the internet seem to be screaming about these photos?
So it turns out that this baby nap is happening on the floor of Paris La Défense arena, where the adults minding her were part of the 40,000-strong audience that came to see U.S. pop icon Taylor Swift’s show as she kicked off the European leg of her “Eras Tour”.
“Get ur baby off the floor and GO HOME”, “call the police”, “hold your damn child”… Some outraged comments (coming from a fanbase usually celebrated for its kindness and open-mindedness) seemed to indicate that this was not, in fact, just another cute photo.
Early grownup development?
This is not an abandoned baby left on the floor in a stampede-like context — as some outraged comments seemed to suggest. This is a baby that was brought along by people who thought long enough to use noise-canceling headphones, and were allowed into the 40,000-seat concert venue (even though the venue website “doesn’t recommend bringing children under the age of four, even if accompanied”).
As someone who thinks and writes a lot about early childhood development — including the actual physiological and behavioral impacts of modern parenting choices — my first instinct was to engage the haters on the merits of their arguments.
This is what social-network-fueled human interaction looks like these days.
What’s the big deal about putting the baby on the arena floor on top of a blanket? Healthy toddlers spend much of their days on floors, both inside and outside the home. What about the daily activities that can be more dangerous than going to a friendly music concert? Pushing your baby across a busy street in a stroller, taking her for a ride in the car, choking on who knows what…
The floor is lava… not
But the truth is that this is not a question about how to be a modern parent, it’s about being a modern person.
Even inside supposedly like-minded, positivity-inclined Swiftie universe, this is what social-network-fueled human interaction looks like these days. The stakes inevitably get raised when there’s a child in the middle, and one can question parenting choices.
Going to a Taylor Swift concert to have fun and dress up and dance is a no-no. Staying at home without getting dressed is also a no-no. Going to a comedy night while breastfeeding is bad. Taking antidepressants at home is also bad.
Why do we always rush to judging each other as parents? Does it make us feel more secure about our own choices when we put down the choices of others?
Thou shalt not judge
According to a global survey published in 2021, 82% of respondents affirmed to feel judged by others as parents. Around one in ten parents (12%) say they feel judged “very often”, with the proportion going up in India (28%), South Africa (23%) and Mexico (19%).
The list of things people get judged for as parents is long.
What’s interesting is that the judgment that parents feel appears to be more than just a perception: four in five non-parents (81%) say they *do* judge parents. The top reason for judging parents is how they manage their children’s behavior, followed closely by how their children behave. (By the way, the research doesn’t cover how much parents judge other parents, but I’m sure that is a thing too!)
But the list of things people get judged for as parents is long. This mother in Australia was judged for breastfeeding her baby at a comedy show (and asked to leave the venue). Is there something cultural? I have never seen people complaining about children at raucous soccer stadiums in Argentina, but children in pubs in the UK are definitely a big taboo.
Overall, we know from research that when we judge parents, instead of supporting them, both the parents and the children fare worse. So the same judgemental Swiftie could have also chosen to approach the baby and parents to see if all are OK or need help — instead of anonymously reporting them to the entire world?
I must admit I don’t feel the same passion for Taylor Swift that’s shared by both the parents and their anonymous online judge. But I’m intrigued by the way her songs and her public persona take on the personal conflicts of our times, and bring us to a better place. Maybe she can help us all to lower the volume.
