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In Afghanistan, The Bravery To Be A Waitress

An Afghan woman works as a waitress at a wedding hall in Kabul.
An Afghan woman works as a waitress at a wedding hall in Kabul.
Ghayor Waziri

KABUL — It took me eight days to convince 37-year-old Gul Rukh to let me conduct this interview.

The Afghanistan woman living in Kabul feared talking openly about her waitress job at the Mumtaz Mahal Wedding Hall.

"I earn $200 a month at the hotel," she says. "I am very happy doing my job, but I am treated very badly by society, my relatives and neighbors for doing it. They scoff at me and believe working as a hotel waitress is not a good job for a woman. But when my husband became disabled, I had to find work to pay for my children's education. This job is the best option."

She says taking orders and serving people their food is much easier than working on a farm or in a factory.

The Mumtaz Mahal Wedding Hall is one of the most popular entertainment and hotel venues among the rich and even some middle-class families in Kabul.

Rukhshana, a mother of five children, also works here. "I have washed clothes before and worked with livestock, but this is the best job. I came to Kabul so that my children can get a good education, and working at this hotel is a good job.”

Mumtaz Mahal manager Obaid Allah Nayab says that having female waitresses — there are 11 at the banquet hall and hotel — is good for business because the venue also hosts women-only parties in addition to weddings in which the clients don't want male staff.

"I am very happy having waitresses working in our hotel," he says. "The only problem is conservative groups in our society. Otherwise, there is no problem with women working.”

Laila Haidery, manager of the restaurant and party site Taj Begum, also employs women as waitresses. In fact, she has been attacked twice by unknown men.

"There are people who are against women working, especially when they see successful women like me," she says. "I have nearly been killed twice. The first time was when I was getting into a taxi and two men tried to choke me. I fought back, but they beat me a lot. The second time, some men came to my home and tried to kill me, but I fired at them and they escaped."

Despite the dangers, she is commited to her work and is making good money.

Akram Yawari, who recently returned to Kabul after studying in India, says he is happy to see Afghan women working in what are traditionally male jobs in this country.

"I think these women working in hotels can inspire others," Yawari says. "This is my first time in this hotel, but I think it's good for families and for women who want to eat outside the house."

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Society

What's Spoiling The Kids: The Big Tech v. Bad Parenting Debate

Without an extended family network, modern parents have sought to raise happy kids in a "hostile" world. It's a tall order, when youngsters absorb the fears (and devices) around them like a sponge.

Image of a kid wearing a blue striped sweater, using an ipad.

Children exposed to technology at a very young age are prominent today.

Julián de Zubiría Samper

-Analysis-

BOGOTÁ — A 2021 report from the United States (the Youth Risk Behavior Survey) found that 42% of the country's high-school students persistently felt sad and 22% had thought about suicide. In other words, almost half of the country's young people are living in despair and a fifth of them have thought about killing themselves.

Such chilling figures are unprecedented in history. Many have suggested that this might be the result of the COVID-19 pandemic, but sadly, we can see depression has deeper causes, and the pandemic merely illustrated its complexity.

I have written before on possible links between severe depression and the time young people spend on social media. But this is just one aspect of the problem. Today, young people suffer frequent and intense emotional crises, and not just for all the hours spent staring at a screen. Another, possibly more important cause may lie in changes to the family composition and authority patterns at home.

Firstly: Families today have fewer members, who communicate less among themselves.

Young people marry at a later age, have fewer children and many opt for personal projects and pets instead of having children. Families are more diverse and flexible. In many countries, the number of children per woman is close to or less than one (Singapore, Taiwan, South Korea, Hong Kong among others).

In Colombia, women have on average 1.9 children, compared to 7.6 in 1970. Worldwide, women aged 15 to 49 years have on average 2.4 children, or half the average figure for 1970. The changes are much more pronounced in cities and among middle and upper-income groups.

Of further concern today is the decline in communication time at home, notably between parents and children. This is difficult to quantify, but reasons may include fewer household members, pervasive use of screens, mothers going to work, microwave ovens that have eliminated family cooking and meals and, thanks to new technologies, an increase in time spent on work, even at home. Our society is addicted to work and devotes little time to minors.

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