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Bertrand Hauger

See more by Bertrand Hauger

Photo of a person using sanitizer
Dottoré!

A Sound Mind In A Sanitized Body?

Trying to put the "health" in "mental health" ...

Now with COVID, everyone thinks they’re experts in antibodies — even my patients.

Dottoré, I've been taking drugs for 20 years because you say I'm sick, but couldn’t it be that maybe I'm cured, that now I have the antibodies, and you don't know?

"Gennà, unfortunately your disease is not caused by a virus, so you can't develop antibodies to fight it."

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Photo of a Greek statue looking down
Dottoré!

Mightier Than The Sword

"What am I supposed to do with this, Dottoré?"

I have a patient who’s in great distress because of a physical peculiarity of his.

"Gennaro, did you know that in Ancient Greece, heroes, kings and all important men were said to have a small penis? Greeks associated small penises with moderation, one of the indispensable qualities of manhood — and therefore of a warrior. In contrast, a large penis symbolized the inability to manage impulses and act with intelligence and decisiveness. Actually, elderly men were often depicted as having large penises."

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Far From The Tree
Dottoré!

Far From The Tree

"Mamma, do you know that when I grow up I want to be a surgeon?"

"And wouldn't you like my job instead?"

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Uvalde And The World: A Look As School Shootings Spread Beyond The U.S.
Society

Uvalde And The World: A Look As School Shootings Spread Beyond The U.S.

After a shooting left 21 dead at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas, we take a look around the world at other countries that have faced similar shooting sprees on school grounds outside of the United States.

The killing Tuesday of 19 children and two adults at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas, adds to the United States’ long, sad list of mass shootings. It is the deadliest school attack in the country since the Dec. 2012, Sandy Hook shooting that left 20 children and six adults dead — and comes just 10 days after a gunman killed 10 at a supermarket in Buffalo, New York.

According to the independent organization Gun Violence Archive, 200 mass shootings have occurred so far this year in the U.S., with 27 school shootings resulting in deaths or injuries.

This, together with other statistics, paint a picture of school shootings as a uniquely American malady: a 2018 CNN report estimated that the U.S. had 57 times as many school shootings as the other G7 nations combined, with an average of one attack a week. And though the past two years have seen a drop in massacres on school grounds, as the pandemic forced the education world to move online, a recent Washington Post article notes that as classrooms reopen, gun violence is again soaring at the nation's primary and secondary schools.

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Photo of people enjoying Andorra's Caldea spa, with mountains in the background
WHAT THE WORLD

Fart At Famous Thermal Spa Sparks 12-Person Brawl, Three Arrested

Close your eyes. You've arrived in the lush and peaceful microstate of Andorra, known around the world for its natural spas. Flanked by majestic mountains, you take in the deep valleys and glistening lakes of this landlocked nation nestled between Spain and France as you settle in at one of the largest spas in Europe. You've spent the day relaxing with that special someone in the 70 °C thermal waters. Maybe you've just gotten a nice massage.

And then someone farts.

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Cher BoJo: A French Response To Boris Johnson’s Franglais Scolding
Ideas

Cher BoJo: A French Response To Boris Johnson’s Franglais Scolding

-Essay-

PARIS — I'll admit it straight away: As a bilingual journalist, the growing use of Franglais by French politicians makes my skin crawl.

Not because I think this blend of French and English is a bad thing in and of itself (it is!), or because the purity of the French language should be preserved at all costs (it should!) — but because in a serious context, it is — at best — a distraction from the substance at hand. And at worst, well …

But in France, where more and more people speak decent English, Anglo-Saxon terms are creeping in everywhere, and increasingly in the mouths of politicians who think they're being cool or smart.

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In Monaco, Four-Year-Old Runs Over Man With Dad's Bentley
WHAT THE WORLD

In Monaco, Four-Year-Old Runs Over Man With Dad's Bentley

The idea that the streets of Monaco are lined with luxury vehicles isn't an overstatement. The recently crowned "supercar capital of the world" also comes with risks, as stretch limousines and sports cars must navigate the tiny city-state's meandering streets and narrow squares.

Yet last Friday, when a Bentley crashed into a Belgian man outside the Place du Casino, the driver at fault turned out to be quite a wildcard: a four-year-old boy.

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French Village Finds Treasure In Old House … Twice
FRANCE 3 REGIONS

French Village Finds Treasure In Old House … Twice

Working at the town hall in Morez, we imagine, must be a busy yet somewhat uneventful affair: There's roadworks on the main rue de la République to take care of, planning for the reopening of the Eyewear Museum — and perhaps most stressful, worrying about budget and spending for this village of 4,800 nestled in the peaceful Jura mountains.

So imagine Mayor Laurent Petit's surprise (and delight) when his staff struck actual gold, not once, but twice in a matter of months … Money "almost heaven-sent," the mayor told France Bleu radio station: After discovering 500,000 euros worth of gold coins and bars last spring, hidden in jars of jams in a decrepit house the town had purchased for a measly 130,000 euros, a safe was recently found in the very same house, at the back of an old wardrobe.

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Bulls Photoshoot Escape Caught On Video
WHAT THE WORLD

Bulls Photoshoot Escape Caught On Video

Close brushes with bulls are part of the culture of Arles, which maintains a strong tradition of bullfighting in local Roman ampitheaters and annual festivals with well-organized courses of the bulls through the streets of the southern French city.

But on Tuesday, it was the bulls who chose the time and place to brush with the locals. French broadcaster France 3 reports that three bulls escaped from the city's bullring where they were taking part in a photoshoot for a promotional poster, advertising the upcoming Cocarde d'Or bull racing events.

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Algerian Farmer Digs For Water, Strikes Oil
Algeria

Algerian Farmer Digs For Water, Strikes Oil

While drilling deep for water last week in his field near Ouled Rahmoune, in northeastern Algeria, a farmer was surprised to see a liquid pouring from the pipes of a very different consistency, smell, color — and worth! Oil.

What makes the discovery all the more unusual is that Algeria's most important known deposits of black gold are located in the south of the country, as ObservAlgérie writes.

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Court Orders French Celebrity Magazine To Pay Homeless Man €40,000
WHAT THE WORLD

Court Orders French Celebrity Magazine To Pay Homeless Man €40,000

Since its founding in 1949, the iconic French weekly Paris Match has published countless photos of the rich and powerful — and every now and then, a paparazzi shot might cost them.

This time, instead, it was a homeless man demanding the magazine pay serious VIP money for running a photograph of him without his permission. Last week, a court in Nanterre, west of the French capital, ordered Paris Match to pay 40,000 euros to the man for publishing his picture, as part of an investigative article on crack cocaine addiction in Paris.

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Snacking Burglar Betrayed By Sausage Bite Nine Years Later
Germany

Snacking Burglar Betrayed By Sausage Bite Nine Years Later

The proof, this time around, was not in the proverbial pudding. It was in the sausage.

As daily Berliner Kurier reports, police this week said they have identified the culprit in a 2012 break-in that happened in the western German town of Gevelsberg after the man's DNA was found on a piece of sausage he'd left behind.

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