Worldcrunch

It's the launch of iPhone 5! As the entire world stands in line and tweets live updates of their quest for iPhone glory, we'd like to provide a little reality check. It's just a phone, guys. Just think of all these things you could be doing instead:

1. USA - Go to the SPAM museum. No seriously, don't just take our word for it. If you're kicking it around Austin, Minnesota then swing on by to experience "this life-altering pure pork bliss for yourself." You too could be smiling alongside these two happy spammers:

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Photo: Bill Rawlinson

2. AUSTRALIA - No queues, just a vast expanse of land and a really big (model of a) potato. Oh yeah, sure, all your friends will have an iPhone 5 but imagine how jealous they'll be when you send them an Instagram picture of The Big Potato (dubbed the Big Turd by local residents) when they're waiting in line. #SoJealous.

3. FRANCE - You're in Paris. You shouldn't be queuing for materialist fads. Get out there, see the sights. Oh but yeah, your feet hurt, it's crowded and you've strained your neck just by looking up at the Eiffel Tower. Hello, France Miniature is made for you. The whole of France... in miniature. Oh look, it's St. Tropez... in miniature!

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Photo: Christophe Alary

4. JAPAN - Go to the Parasite Museum. Yes we'd rather do that than line up for a new iPhone. You know why? Because we'll be learning and will have super interesting dinner party topics. So you just got a new App? Yawn.

5. UNITED KINGDOM - Teapot Island... the largest collection of teapots in the UK! Enough said.