When the world gets closer.

We help you see farther.

Sign up to our expressly international daily newsletter.

Already a subscriber? Log in .

You've reached your limit of one free article.

Get unlimited access to Worldcrunch

You can cancel anytime .

SUBSCRIBERS BENEFITS

Exclusive International news coverage

Ad-free experience NEW

Weekly digital Magazine NEW

9 daily & weekly Newsletters

Access to Worldcrunch archives

Free trial

30-days free access, then $2.90
per month.

Annual Access BEST VALUE

$19.90 per year, save $14.90 compared to monthly billing.save $14.90.

Subscribe to Worldcrunch
Germany

Hidden Perils Of The Attachment Parenting Movement

Europe is increasingly turning to this approach of child rearing that sees kids and adults as equals. It may have unforeseen effects on children — but even more so on parents.

Erm ... Mom ...
Erm ... Mom ...

BERLIN — They breastfeed their children until they are toddlers, carry their offspring close to their body rather than pushing them around in strollers and allow their children to have a say in what's best for them. The parents who practice so-called "attachment parenting" pay very close attention to their children to support the development of their individual personalities. This approach to parenting has found many supporters in Germany, but there are also many critics.

Sina Jacobsen and her husband are dedicated to this parenting method. They allow their daughters, an 8-month-old and a 2-year-old, to sleep in their bed, and both will continue to be breastfed for as long as they want. "This guarantees a more relaxed atmosphere for everyone," says the 25-year-old mother from Barmstedt.

She wants to give her children the feeling that they can always count on their mother. She is convinced "that if the fundamental need for closeness is satisfied, it enables children to start something new more easily. If that's not the case, then they will be chasing that need for closeness for the rest of their lives."

But the older the children get, the more odd these parents become to outsiders. "Why breastfeed a child of 16 months? That's old enough to wean them! You can't always carry your daughter around! A child has to learn to go to sleep on her own!" These are some of the typical comments that Sina and other attachment parents hear regularly.

The fear of overindulging your child is deeply rooted within us, says Frauke Ludwig from Hamburg. She tries to encourage parents in her courses to show their children unreserved support. The less babies cry and the more parents pay attention to their children's signals and approach their needs sensitively, the more mentally stable and self-confident their children will be. This is the basic idea of "attachment parenting," developed by U.S. pediatrician William Sears.

Growing numbers of German parents have embraced the method, evidenced by the numerous blogs and Internet forums in which mostly parents share and discuss their experiences of attachment parenting.

More than one way

There is no question that children need an attachment figure to develop well. "This is a universally accepted fact, but there are many different ways to provide this and huge cultural differences as to what is understood under the term "attachment,"" says psychologist Ariane Gernhardt of the University of Osnabrück.

The modern German middle class is increasingly trying to model an egalitarian parenting in which they regard their children as partners and friends. "They want their children to be happy and, above all, to spare them from having negative experiences," Gernhardt says.

Although it's quite possible that ideas about what represents good parenting are good for neither the adult nor the child, says Gernhardt. For example, it's important for children to learn how to deal with difficult situations.

The constant expectations of perfection that parents place upon themselves are a burden. Which is why Gernhardt meets exhausted and despairing mothers during her parenting sessions that are offered through the University of Osnabrück. "These women are often very educated and very well-read," she says. They often come wondering whether they've failed when things don't go to plan or if conflicts abound.

Children aren't the only one with needs. Parents have them too, and it is these needs that children have to accept as they get older, critics say. The demands placed on parents, and especially mothers, are burdensomely high with attachment parenting. Always being present imposes restrictions on women and forces them back into traditional female roles.

In fact, the perfect realization of attachment parenting in the traditional nuclear family often leads to burnout, says attachment parenting supporter and author Nicola Schmidt, who hails from Berlin. "Humans are simply not designed to take care of a baby 24/7," she says. Which is why she encourages parents in her books to get together and support one another. And she says it's never helpful to be dogmatic in your parenting approach.

"Children do not have buttons you can press," says Schmidt, who emphasizes that there is no single recipe for producing a happy child. Your child will not automatically grow up to be happy if you breastfeed for two years and constantly carry him around in a sling strapped to your body. Providing security and trust are much more important factors. "Every family will have to find a way to do so in a manner most appropriate to their personality and circumstances," Schmidt says.

You've reached your limit of free articles.

To read the full story, start your free trial today.

Get unlimited access. Cancel anytime.

Exclusive coverage from the world's top sources, in English for the first time.

Insights from the widest range of perspectives, languages and countries.

FOCUS: Israel-Palestine War

What's Left Of Gaza: Scenes Of Destruction, Pangs Of Desperation

The information coming out of the Palestinian enclave is scarce but undoubtedly grim. An Italian reporter from across the border gathers information from inside Gaza amid a fragile and inevitably temporary ceasefire.

Photo of Palestinians walking in Gaza among the damaged buildings

Palestinians walk among the rubble in the residential area Beit Lahia, northern Gaza

Francesco Semprini

SDEROT – When we ask Sister Nabila Saleh to describe the situation in Gaza, she responds by sending ten photos: images of rubble, destruction, and desolation. They suggest that the point of no return has long been surpassed.

Sister Nabila is of Egyptian origin and spends her days in the parish of the Holy Family in Gaza City, where all of the remaining Christian community is sheltering.

For the latest news & views from every corner of the world, Worldcrunch Today is the only truly international newsletter. Sign up here.

Communication is challenging; on WhatsApp, conversations are impossible, only snippets of written sentences arrive on each side. Still, they suffice in describing the hellish conditions they've been facing for the past seven weeks.

"The situation is very difficult, everything is destroyed, nothing is left," she said. "Living is a challenge, for now, no aid is reaching us, there is only one supermarket with some basic supplies."

Keep reading...Show less

The latest